A woman who had machete wounds from head to toe and whose arm and right hand were useless, came for counselling. She had lost her husband and six of her seven children. She wanted to know about forgiveness.
A soldier came forward at a renewal meeting. He had seen all of his relatives killed and had deep bitterness in his heart. He was also experiencing a deep hatred for his wife. The problem was that he was a Tutsi soldier and his wife was Hutu. Some Hutu extremists had seized his wife and their children and had forced her to throw the children into a river to be drowned. The hatred the Tutsi husband had toward his wife was almost uncontrollable. He was coming for prayer to receive power from God to forgive his wife and live with her peacefully.
In one of the mass graves, a man was left for dead among the bodies of his family. Miraculously, he survived, and now through Christ he had found freedom to forgive.
Although our situation may not be as dramatic as the situation in Rwanda, a spirit of bitterness and unforgiveness is tearing apart many individuals, families and even entire churches in North America. We need to hear anew and obey what Jesus says about forgiveness.
The most common and most vigorous word for forgiveness in the New Testament is used by Jesus in Mark 11:25 "When you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins." Literally, the Greek verb used for "forgive" means to release, to hurl away, to free yourself from something.
To forgive, according to Jesus, means to willingly throw away our resentment at being wronged. We are not told to smother our bitterness or merely to restrain our resentment. We must let go. Only then, by God's empowerment, will we have the freedom to forgive.
Granting forgiveness is not the same as granting pardon. Pardon is in God's department, as is balancing the scales of justice. The Judge of all the earth will do what is right (Genesis 18:25). We can safely leave that matter in His hands, as Paul teaches in Romans 12:19 "Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written, 'It is mine to avenge; I will repay,' says the Lord."
Our obligation is to forgive and live peaceably with all (Romans 12:14-18). Forgiveness doesn't address the pardon my offender needs from God, but it does release me from my resentment and permit a work of inner healing to begin.
Our Lord taught that the merciful were blessed and that they would receive mercy (Matthew 5:7). In Luke 6:36-37 He commanded: "Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. . . . Forgive, and you will be forgiven." In the Lord's Prayer, Jesus said we are to forgive as we have been forgiven, and then added, "If you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:15).
Jesus' teaching is clear: to that degree to which we refuse to extend forgiveness and mercy to others, our capacity to experience the same from God will diminish. Our prayer relationship to God becomes nullified when we have an unforgiving spirit; our prayers cannot get through the walls of our own bitterness (Mark 11:25).
The mercy of God can only flow into us when our hands and our heart are open and we are dispensing mercy to others. God can't fill a closed hand.
The healing we experience when we forgive can occur instantly, but more likely it will be a process. The old feelings of bitterness may resurface but we must refuse to nurture them; by God's grace, we must again push them aside.
There is no simple prescription for forgiveness. Forgiving is not easy. We have far more practice at sinning than we do at forgiving.
Our struggle with forgiveness points to our need for God and His power in our lives. We dare not say: "This can't be done." If this is our attitude, it likely won't be done. However, with God, all things are possible. Faith affirms: "By God's grace and power, it must be done." And it will be done.
Freedom to forgive gives us freedom to pray with St. Francis: "Make me an instrument of thy peace; where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; O Divine Master, grant that I may seek not so much seek to be consoled as to console, not so much to be understood as to understand, not so much to be loved as to love. For it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life."