A visitor from heaven if only for a while
Gord and Shelley Bartel

My wife Shelley and I had the opportunity to gain firsthand insight into these very questions as the Lord blessed us with "a visitor from heaven if only for a while", to quote a compassionate song by Twila Paris.

We had just returned from serving at Mtshabezi Mission Hospital in rural Zimbabwe for three years. We were excited but apprehensive at the vast cultural transitions that we faced in coming home to a rather busy world. Shelley relates the journey we undertook next:

May 18, 1995 is a day that will be etched in our memories for life.

In February of 1995, I found out that we were expecting our second child. Our first child, Nicole, had been born in Zimbabwe, Africa, and was about 10 months old at the time. Our first thoughts were, "are we ready for another child so soon?" Yet, it didn't take a moment before we were excited about our upcoming second child.

I was about 15 weeks pregnant before I went to see my new doctor for the first prenatal check-up. That day, I heard the heartbeat of our new baby, and I knew this was for real. Everything seemed to be quite normal. The doctor sent me for a routine ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy and to check the gestational dates.

On May 18, I arrived at the hospital in pain from drinking what seemed like gallons of required water and telling myself it should only be a little while longer. I walked into the ultrasound room feeling quite confident that everything would be fine, but like every expectant mother I had the slight underlying fear that our baby might possibly have a medical problem. How would I deal with that, I thought.

I have some experience in performing ultrasounds from our three years of working in the hospital lab in Zimbabwe, so the ultrasound tech and I talked about the differences between the two countries in this field and medical work in general. During the entire time that we chatted, she never let on that anything could be wrong. After completing all the measurements, she proceeded to show me the baby's arms, legs, face, body and heartbeat. Everything looked fine. As she left the room, she told me that the doctor may want to come in and see me for a minute.

That should have been my first clue that something was wrong. I had used that same sentence with many patients on whom I had performed ultrasounds and found something wrong. But my baby had looked so normal. After what seemed an eternity but was actually only a few minutes, the tech came back and told me that there was a problem and that I could go and change while my doctor was being paged. I couldn't imagine what could be wrong, and fear gripped me while I waited.

My doctor took me back into the ultrasound room and told me the terrible diagnosis-- anencephaly. My baby had a severe neural tube defect in which the brain and skull had not completely formed, although the brainstem was present, allowing the baby to grow like any other baby within the womb. The doctor told me that our baby would live to full term, but would not survive long outside the womb. He added that I had two options: to abort the baby or to carry the baby until term, deliver and then wait until he/she died.

It was tough news to hear alone. My husband Gord was at home with Nicole. Why should he come when it was just a routine test on our second child? From that day on, nothing was just routine. As I left for home, stunned, our doctor mentioned that he would like to talk to my husband and me in his office later that day.

I went home and broke the news to Gord. We held each other and cried. This was a couple's worst fear come true. From that day on, we began grieving for our child, whom we would never get to really know.

Later that day, we met with our doctor. Once again he told us what he knew about anencephalic babies. It is a fairly rare syndrome, with one in 10,000 babies living to full term; the miscarriage rate for these babies tends to be very high at 99%. Why our baby was in the rare 1% we didn't know, but the Lord obviously had a plan. There is not much known about what causes this defect. There are theories that it may be hereditary or that a lack of folic acid may be a factor. There is no treatment for anencephaly, and the condition is incompatible with life. What were we to do?

Our doctor again told us of our options. He strongly suggested that we abort the pregnancy and try again. He pointed out that we didn't have much time to decide because I was already 16 weeks pregnant and we could not wait much longer.

We were faced with a choice that is hardly ever discussed by believers. We were in a gray area of Christian doctrine with our emotions spinning. It was difficult to process all the data from what had started out to be a fairly routine day. Gord was very strong in his decision not to abort, while I battled with the decision. To abort was the easy way out. Why not, as this baby had no chance of survival? Why go through all the unnecessary pain? Only a handful of people knew we were pregnant, and they would understand why I would choose to abort. It could be justified.

A few days went by. Most of the time, my grief was too great to allow me to think straight, but time was running out for me to decide. Friends of ours gave us a book dealing with miscarriages, abortions and stillbirths. For days, I couldn't open it because I was unable to deal with the situation, but as soon as I began reading, my eyes opened.

The book emphasized how important each life is from the time of conception until death, no matter when that death occurs. Psalm 139:13 says, "For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother's womb." The Bible establishes the fact that the unborn child is a human being even in the womb. When does a human being's formation take place? In the first three months. At four weeks after conception, the spinal cord and brain complete formation. At 16 weeks, the ultrasound showed that our baby's body was complete. We were able to see our baby move its arms and legs and suck its thumb. It was amazing to see God's creation.

If this unborn child was a person with a formed body in the first trimester, did he/she have a soul? Yes, this little human being was complete with an eternal soul that was created by the Almighty God. Jeremiah 1:5 gives us a glimpse of the importance and significance of each life: "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart." God had a plan for our baby's short life. How could I be the one to interfere with God's plan? It was not my place to take a life just because it did not fit into our plans. God gave us His commandment from the beginning of time not to take a life--I'm sure many would not include abortion in this commandment, but the Bible gives us enough evidence that the prenatal baby is a person and is included.

Knowing these facts, the thought of ending our child's life frightened me and brought me to my knees asking for forgiveness for even thinking that abortion could be justified. Abortion is something I don't believe in, so how could I carry the act out myself? I am so thankful that my husband stood firm from the beginning and that my eyes were opened, because our lives could have taken a much more difficult turn.

We decided to change to a Christian doctor who did not believe in abortion and who guided us through the pregnancy and delivery with emotional, physical and spiritual counselling.

The remainder of my pregnancy was very difficult emotionally but much easier physically. I had the joy of feeling our baby move and kick, and I was always reminded of her presence by the heartburn and the uncomfortableness that I felt. The pregnancy seemed so normal. It was hard to believe that the diagnosis was true.

At 29 weeks, we went for a second ultrasound. We hoped for a miracle or a misdiagnosis, but it wasn't to be. The ultrasound showed the same picture. Weeks before, many prayers had gone up on our behalf that a miracle would take place, and even though medically we knew there was no hope of survival, we kept hoping that the baby's body would be miraculously healed. This hope made many days more bearable. During this time, we found that the most helpful coping skills were our daily talks with God.

At 36 weeks, we went into the hospital for the delivery. On October 5, after three long days of induced labour, we had the joy of receiving a little baby girl, Katie Marie. She seemed small and frail. She lived for a short 15 minutes. A cap was placed on her head to cover her unformed skull. She was then wrapped in a blanket and given to us to hold for as long as we wanted. She was quite bruised from her breech delivery, but she had a beautiful little body, just as the ultrasound had shown, with perfect little fingers and toes and a button nose. She was our daughter to enjoy for only a short time, our visitor from heaven. Our hellos and goodbyes seemed to have been said in the same breath. It was difficult giving Katie back to the medical staff. The feelings of emptiness and grief were overwhelming.

Within the week, we were getting the funeral preparations organized. We visited Katie one last time and said our final goodbyes before we buried her little body.

This pregnancy and birth have not been an easy time for us, with some people trying to offer support and others questioning our choice, but we know in our hearts we did the right thing and do not regret our decision. We feel at peace that we gave Katie the dignity of letting her live her life as God intended. We live without guilt and fear. We know that God works toward good in all situations, regardless of the circumstances. At times, that seems hard to believe, but we still need to put our trust in God. We know that He will help us through our suffering. He promises to never leave or forsake us. He gives us the strength to live day to day and the promise that we will one day be with Katie again.

Many people have supported us through uplifting prayers during our special time with Katie, which gave us the strength to go on. There is no other explanation for the support we felt than it being God's reply to the petitions of His people. How could one have faced this situation and the many pressures and questions that society raises without the support of the Christian family? How could one deal with the uncertainty and guilt of terminating that life?

There are many days that our hearts are heavy as we continue to grieve for our little girl. There will always be that special place in our family where Katie would have been. As a father, I cannot fully comprehend the loss of a baby, compared to a mother who has carried and nurtured that life for close to a year. Despite all this, we both take heart, for God has blessed us with good friends, a supportive pastor and church and a special glimpse into His promise of salvation and into the hope that it brings. Our visitor from heaven if only for a while--we're so glad you came.

Gord and Shelley Bartel are members of Broadway MB Church in Chilliwack, B.C.

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