A Father's Influence

by Richard Navarro

I am a father of four children, and, like most men, I find it difficult to express my thoughts about fatherhood.

One thing I do know is that it is not easy to be a father. Decades ago, the expectation was for the father to be the primary breadwinner. Earning a living, providing for the physical and material needs of his family, was the father's job; nurturing the children was the mother's responsibility.

Times have changed. The economic conditions of families in Canada are much different than they were a generation ago. In 62 percent of all married couples both spouses work outside the home. Between 1961 and 1986 the rate of married women with children under six who were participating in the labour force increased from 27 percent to 60 percent.

These economic changes have created different cultural expectations for fathers. Today, the father is expected to be in the delivery room when babies are born. (I was in on all four deliveries and felt utterly helpless, although I was glad I was there to share the joys--and fears--of the miracle of birth.) Today's father is also expected to provide for the emotional health of his children. He is expected to do very well in the workplace and contribute significantly in the running of the home. And he should provide spiritual nurture and leadership in the family.

In short, the demands on fathers are greater and the risks are bigger. As a result, some men have opted out altogether; 13 percent of Canadian families are single-parent families, headed by women predominantly.

This is a dangerous development. The impact of a father on his children remains significant. For instance, recent research shows that sexual promiscuity in a woman can often be traced to a lack of fatherly affection in her childhood and adolescence.

Sometimes I find myself intrigued that even my children's facial expressions are the same expressions and gestures that I use. It is frightening that my children reflect me in many ways. What I communicate verbally and non-verbally to them is much more than I intend.

Even more frightening is the fact that a father's influence lasts longer than one generation, impacting other descendants' lives and values. The legacy of two men who lived in the 18th century illustrates this truth. The first man was Max Jukes, an immoral man and a moonshiner. He never went to church and married a woman of like mind. The second man was Jonathan Edwards, a godly minister who was credited with igniting the Great Awakening through his sermons; he married a woman who shared his devotion to Christ. Of Jukes's 1,026 descendents, 300 died prematurely, 100 were sent to prison, 190 were prostitutes, and 100 were alcoholics. Of Edwards's 729 descendants, 300 were preachers, 65 were college professors, and 13 were authors.

What legacy are we leaving to our children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren? According to a recent Angus Reid poll, parents spend 6.3 hours per week watching television with their children and 6 hours per week playing sports with them, but only 1.2 hours teaching religious or spiritual beliefs. Do you know what else? A father's influence on his children depends on who influences him.

Richard Navarro is a member of North Langley Community Church in Langley, B.C.

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