Carl

Bob Sukkau

Carl is a great guy to be around. He has a real zest for life. He has a sense of humour. He can't tell jokes, of course, but he laughs when the mood strikes him.

When we appreciate someone, we compliment him or her. Carl can't do that so he gives hugs instead. I used to be embarrassed when he would hug me on the street. How did it look, two grown men hugging? But it probably takes most people about two seconds to figure out what's going on. Carl is just reaching out in his own way.

Some day I'll be in heaven, and I will meet my family and friends. It will be very exciting. But then I see this handsome dude come up to me. He gives me a big hug. It takes me a moment or two to recognize him. It's Carl! I realize that what threw me off was his eyes. There's a sparkle in his eyes now that wasn't there before. He sits down with me to talk and reminisce. What will he say? Hopefully something like the following:

"I really appreciate what you did for me. Thanks for being so patient with me. It couldn't have been easy to work with me, especially when you were just starting. I remember how nervous you were at the beginning. You didn't know what I would do next. And you were worried that you weren't doing everything you were supposed to. On top of that, you had the other residents to worry about. But once you learned the basics, you started to relax a bit, and you began to be concerned about my needs.

It was fun to go swimming, bowling and riding. When we were hiking, we would sometimes climb steep hills. I liked it that you challenged me and didn't treat me like a china doll. You took risks. But, at the same time, you weren't demanding. That would have really stressed me out.

I remember one beautiful fall morning when just the two of us went to Rolley Lake and walked around it. The sun came through the trees at just the right angle, and the leaves were so beautiful. You were so happy, and no one was around, so you started to praise God out loud for all that He had created. I'll always remember that day because I felt close to God as well.

I also appreciated the fact that you were concerned about my dignity and tried not to talk about me disparagingly to others in my presence. You were usually positive when I became the topic of conversation. I liked that. It showed respect.

I also like you because you saw how important it was that I do useful things. They weren't big things, just little things like pushing the cart with groceries or taking out the garbage, but somehow it gave me a sense of self-worth, a sense that I was capable of doing certain things.

Oh, I know, you had days that were better than others. Sometimes you would hardly give me the time of day. Maybe you were preoccupied with things at home, or you just weren't feeling well. But I didn't mind that much. I realized that everyone goes through that.

But there was something that bothered me the first while you were there at Osprey House. You were pretty good at hiding this, but deep down you were embarrassed to be with me when we were out on the street. You cringed when I would shout out loud in the mall and absolutely everyone would look to see what was going on. You didn't know what to do when people, especially kids, would stare at us. All you could do was give them a silly grin. I hated that. And I would hear you sigh with relief when we would finally get into the van. You thought you were embarrassed. Guess how I felt.

But that's in the past. There came the time when I realized you had lost your embarrassment and discomfort at being with me. It happened so gradually I missed it for the longest time. Maybe you started feeling good about your job, or you started feeling better about yourself. Anyway, something clicked in your mind.

When you got to that point, that's when we started to make music. We started to have more fun together. You were more natural with people around us. You began to realize that the kids who were staring at us weren't being rude; they were paying us a compliment--they just wanted to know more about me, why I was the way I was, that kind of thing. As a matter of fact, you began to enjoy going around with me. You enjoyed it when people showed interest in me, and you gladly answered their questions.

Forgive me. I've been rambling on. But I just can't stop talking, after so many years without being able to express myself.

There's one more thing I want to say. At Osprey, I became a better person; there's no doubt about that. You, along with the rest of the staff, helped me to grow physically, socially and even spiritually with the love, joy and peace you possessed. But you know something? It went both ways. You not only made me a better person; I made you a better person. Because you related to me, you grew in the fruit of the Holy Spirit. You became more patient, more kind, more gentle, more self-controlled. You also learned that when you are weak, then you are strong. I could say more, but I'm starting to preach. We have people like Peter and Paul and Spurgeon and even Swindoll to do that here.

Thanks again for all you did. In some ways, I just won't change. Let me give you a hug to say thank you.

There are so many things I enjoy doing here. Have you tried Celestial Chess yet? You did, but it was too complicated? Here, I'd love to show you how. . . ."

Carl Delozanne lives at Osprey House in Abbotsford, B.C. Bob Sukkau works for MCC Supportive Care Services. He is a member of West Clearbrook Community Church in Abbotsford.

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