Words that kill: Facing verbal abuse
by Mary Campbell
Broken bones, incest--that's what many of us think of when we hear the word "abuse". But mistreatment isn't always physical. Sometimes it takes the form of hurtful words or a pattern of emotional manipulation. Verbal put-downs and constant criticism are types of abuse.
Verbal abuse can occur in marriage, as when one spouse is always complaining about the other's appearance or criticizing small mistakes. It can also happen between friends or among members of an extended family.
At various times, all of us hurt someone else by an ill-chosen remark. Abuse, however, is a pattern of behaviour that is designed to control another person.
Verbal abuse is often hard to recognize. It can be subtle. Abusive comments are often made in a normal tone of voice and may even sound pleasant on the surface. Along with this, verbal abuse often takes place in private, when no one else can confirm what is said.
How can you respond if you are being verbally abused?
Read the Bible to see how God feels about people who are oppressed. God cares for those who are mistreated.
Ask the Holy Spirit to show you the truth about yourself. Abusive statements are lies that other people tell you about who you are. We need wisdom to separate these hurtful untruths from helpful observations and constructive criticism.
Pray for your abuser. In Matthew 5, Jesus teaches that we should pray for those who despitefully use us. This isn't always easy. Yet prayer can be a way of giving the problem to God and a step toward healing the pain.
Be wise in confrontation. Verbal abusers often deny the hurt they cause. When confronted, they may respond with emotional manipulation or further attacks. If you decide to share your feelings with someone who is abusing you, be aware that the person may not listen and may not change.
Mary Campbell lives in Scarborough, Ont. This article was originally published in
Christian Living.
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