Gossip Extinguishers

Marlo Schalesky

"Do you know what Becky did now?" someone starts. "I can't stand the way Rachel comes in here acting like that," another says. "Mark is really starting to get on my nerves. Did you hear what he said to me at the last meeting?" The fire of gossip. It starts with a little spark, but it can turn into a destructive blaze.

We all go into individual encounters and small-group meetings with two hypothetical buckets. One is filled with gasoline, the other with water. When gossip starts, will we overturn our bucket of gasoline, making the situation worse? Or will we squelch the fire with our bucket of water? Consider these suggestions for dousing gossip:

1. Respond with a positive comment. Point out a good trait about the person: "I'm sorry you feel that way about Becky. What I really like about her is. . . . "

2. Show sincere concern for the person being blasted. Demonstrate that the proper response to someone who may be stumbling is to love and support that person. Say, "Rachel must be struggling with something right now. Let's stop and say a short prayer for her."

3. Point toward resolution. Say something like, "Have you talked to Mark about that? I'm sure he wouldn't want you feeling that way."

4. Disagree politely and turn away. For example, say, "I've never noticed that about him. I've always found him rather considerate."

5. Gently guide the conversation away from complaining and toward helping. Say something like, "How nice that you're concerned about Becky. Perhaps she has a need we can meet. How do you think we can help her?"

By keeping an attitude of love and servanthood, we can throw water onto the complaints of others, and so save those around us from being burned by the fire of gossip.

Marlo Schalesky is a freelance writer from Gilroy, Calif.

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