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My life was about to take a radical turn for the worse. I went to live in Canada with my father, my stepmother and their new baby. I found this to be a trying time. All I wanted was my mom back. For the first time, I found it difficult to make friends at school.
When I was in grade 12, my dad and stepmother separated. About that time, I met my future wife, and through her I came to know the Lord at a youth ski retreat. I immediately quit the rock band I had been drumming for, as well as drugs and alcohol. I got a steady job. I started attending church and "doing the best I could" at being a Christian. Over time, I realized I was not growing as a Christian should. My wife would encourage me to read my Bible, to have devotions, but I found the Bible dry, with too many things hard to understand. Besides, I was too busy earning a living. I knew I should, but....
After eight years of marriage, we were blessed with the birth of our first son. I started to think about how much responsibility is involved in bringing up a child to know and love the Lord. I had no one to pattern my Christian walk after, and I knew I really needed to know the Lord better. I made several attempts at having devotions, starting a Navigators course and trying to do some Bible memorization, but that didn't last long. There was never enough time. In place of time alone with God, I substituted using my talents in music, prison ministry, Bible studies and other worthwhile endeavours. I knew that being in the Word was the key to spiritual growth, but I continued to struggle.
After our son was born, my wife stayed home to raise him. About that same time, I started a career in real estate. 1995 was one of the worst years ever in real estate, and our savings were soon gone. We were in a major financial crisis, and I was totally unable to get out.
I had been reading a book by Charles Stanley called The Wonderful Spirit-Filled Life. In it, he says, "Dependence and surrender go hand and hand. We can't fully surrender our wills until we are in a hopeless situation. As long as we see a way out, we will generally opt for it." That spoke to me. I have always been a survivor and an independent person, never having anyone to depend or count on. My earthly father had rarely come through for me, so it was hard to believe that my heavenly Father would. After seeing no human way out of our financial mess, I finally surrendered to the Lord.
That's when I began thinking about devotions again. I didn't have a clue how to start. What I did know was that I had tried before in my own strength and fallen short. Broken, I prayed, "Lord, I don't know how to have a quiet time. I need You and Your Word in my life daily. I want to be the spiritual leader for my family. I don't know how You're going to work it out, but You know my heart's desire."
The next morning, February 17, 1995, would change my life. I woke at 5:30 a.m., expecting to hear from God. (Of course, my motive was selfish. I wanted that magical verse to fix all my earthly problems.)
As I sat at the kitchen table, Bible open, pen and paper ready, I first prayed, "Thank You, Lord, for getting me up. Help me to hear from You and Your Word today."
Silence.
Now what? Frantically I started searching out familiar Scriptures:
Philippians 4:19: "And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."
Philippians 4:7: "And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Matthew 6:34: "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."
Then I meditated on Psalm 46:10: "Be still and know that I am God."
Then God led me to read and meditate on Romans 4:19-21.
Suddenly it clicked: Philippians 4:19 (My greatest need was to listen to Him); Matthew 6:34 (I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know Who holds tomorrow); Romans 4:19-21 (I have unwavering, confident faith in God!); Philippians 4:7 (and I will have peace). Wow! What a morning with God.
But God was not finished. As I closed my Bible and was quietly praying, my eldest son, 5-year-old Tyler, came down the stairs like he did every morning. But this morning was different. What was Dad doing all alone at the kitchen table with only a lamp and his Bible?
"Dad," said Tyler, "is it the middle of the night?"
"No", I said. "It's morning."
"Well, what are you doing?" he asked, all wide-eyed.
"I'm having my quiet time with the Lord," I answered. God gave me an opportunity to share with my son, something I had wanted to do for a long time. Finally he asked if I always had a quiet time.
Wanting to set a good example, I said "I try to."
Then, as only a 5-year-old can do, he put one hand on his hip and said, "Dad, I've been coming downstairs for three years, and I've never seen you once!" Ouch! The Holy Spirit had sent someone to follow up on me each morning.
It is now October, 1996. God has moved in my family in ways that I could have never imagined. Not everyday is a mountaintop experience. I have come to realize God is more concerned about building our character than ensuring our comfort. I've learned that God desires for us to know Him, love Him and serve Him. My walk with Jesus is growing day by day. His word is living water, refreshing to my soul.
Shortly after I began praying for my family, Tyler accepted the Lord as his Saviour. My wife also gained security in the knowledge that I was asking God for wisdom in guiding our family, and praying daily for her.
Being in God's Word on a regular basis has helped me become more in tune with His will and His ways and has changed my attitude. For the first time as a Christian, I feel I'm starting to grow up.
Tracy Newton lives with his wife Hilary and two sons in White Rock, B.C. They are members of Peace Arch Fellowship.
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