Stony Tablets and Soft Hearts

Dave Jackson

Some think God made the issues of right and wrong far more casual when He decided to write His law on our hearts instead of leaving it on unyielding tablets of stone. But when the law was just in a book, we could close the cover and walk away. And when it came from the preacher, we didn't have to listen. Now, however, it's been written on our hearts, and there's no escaping it.

I experienced this truth in terms of a broken relationship between myself and another person in my church. It all began over a year earlier when we disagreed strongly over a proposed church policy.

At the time, we settled the dispute as well as possible, even inviting the mediation of a few other brothers and sisters. I ack~nowledged that I had been very insensitive in some things I had said in a church business meeting. And I made a public apology.

That should have been the end of it, but it wasn't. What I had said had been wrong, but it wasn't personal. What the other person had said in calling me on it, however, had been very personal.

I wanted an apology, too, but I couldn't bring myself to ask for it because that would make me look like I wasn't big enough to take my semi-public scolding.

I tried to ignore it, but my resentment ate away at me. I declined to be on committees where the other person served. I wanted to be in a chorus, but the other person was there first. I noted how egotistical the person seemed--always having to be right, always needing to be "up front". These observations helped justify my resentment.

But I had no peace in communion or in my personal prayer time. The Lord always brought to mind this relationship. What was I to do? I had already been the one to ask for forgiveness. Why should I have to do it again? Then I realized that to forgive an~other person is to accept a loss. If someone owes you $1,000, and you forgive that debt, you have lost $1,000. I was not ready for that; I wanted the other person to see the wrong first and "pay" by feeling embarrassment and remorse. That is why I had not mentioned the offense I felt. To do so would be to start down the path of forgiveness, and I was not ready to forgive the debt.

But God's law written on my heart would not let me go. One year later, I finally went to make my peace. And, yes, I had to begin by confessing my sin of resentment and unforgiveness.

Dave Jackson is a writer from Evanston, Ill.

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