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"I don't know how other couples make these decisions, but we knew we couldn't continue the medical route and weren't ready to adopt. We had to look at what our experience with infertility was telling us, and ask what meaning we should find," says Brenda.
As they prayed and talked with others, the couple began to feel they should look for ways other than birthing children to affirm life. At about the same time, the big, 1920s house they had lovingly renovated with future children in mind was beginning to seem like an "albatross".
"One American myth is that you can grow into a mortgage because your income will continue to increase," explains Mark. Instead, the large monthly mortgage bill left the couple feeling "stuck in the rat race". They began to look for ways to simplify their lives.
It became clear to the Hartman-Souders that the various strands of their life were tugging them in a new direction. This month the couple will leave for a three-year Mennonite Central Committee assignment in the West African nation of Nigeria. There they will use their entrepreneurial skills to help Nigerians market their products. Some of their work will be with Ten Thousand Villages, the MCC job creation program formerly called SELFHELP Crafts of the World.
"None of our earlier life choices were necessarily wrong and I don't have regrets," says Brenda. "We had to go through those experiences to discover what our values are."
The couple is also quick to note that they don't expect everybody to uproot themselves to serve in another part of the world. In fact, Brenda says as they prepared to go to Nigeria, she realized "how many hands uphold each MCC worker".
When the couple was accepted for MCC service, they asked six close friends to be their support group. Through meetings and phone calls this group helped them think through the many decisions they faced, such as how to sell their home and possessions. The group also provided emotional support as the Hartman-Souders faced the prospect of leaving behind all that was familiar.
"Hundreds of volunteer hours are behind our going to Nigeria," says Brenda. Friends and family members helped them organize a sale for their household goods, one adopted their cat, another agreed to serve as power of attorney. When the buyer of their house heard their story she offered to store their remaining furniture. At their commissioning service, the couple's pastor at Plymouth Congregational UCC Church in Syracuse promised that the congregation will "hold you consistently in our prayers". Members have committed themselves to writing letters and holding educational and fund-raising activities.
"Before, money insulated us and we didn't really need to depend on other people," says Mark. "Now that we have no home, people have become our `home'."
As they travel to Nigeria, the Hartman-Souders know they will continue to deal with their pain over infertility. Nigeria has one of the highest birth rates in the world and children are valued.
Brenda expects constant "reminders of what we don't have." However, she says "we have learned when we face and embrace grief, something good can happen, such as freeing up space for a new life."
The couple's "new life" in Nigeria will include living in a cinder-block house in Jos, a city of 300,000, and traveling around the country as they work with Nigerians on income-generation projects.
The Hartman-Souders are members of First Mennonite New Breman in Lowville, N.Y. Pearl Sensenig, MCC
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