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Mentoring offers the answer to this dilemma. Mentoring is the process of spending time with another person, one-on-one, in order to pass on to the other any experience, wisdom or knowledge we may have or to receive the benefit of any experience, wisdom or knowledge the other may have. This often happens in the process of simply spending time together. As Howard and William Hendricks say in their book As Iron Sharpens Iron, "People tend to rub off on each other."
A mentoring relationship can range from a formal relationship, with agreed upon times, agendas and a body of knowledge to be learned, to an informal relationship, where the agenda is flexible, there is no specific knowledge or information to be covered and meetings are held as needed. Many of the mentoring relationships I have observed are a blend of the formal and informal. Often meetings will be regularly scheduled around a general agenda, with an openness to discuss whatever is pressing at the time.
Some of the reading I have done suggests that any leader (or anyone, for that matter) would benefit from mentoring relationships at three levels:
* Someone older, more mature to mentor me.
* A peer mentor, someone roughly my age and position to offer counsel, accountability and encouragement.
* Someone younger or less mature into whose life I can build.
I am very fortunate to have found wonderful people in each of these categories. A senior pastor from another church in our community has agreed to spend one to two hours per month with me. My peer mentor is a female colleague. My reason for asking her to help me in this way is that in my ministry I work with many women and I want to work with these women in a wholesome and effective way. My mentor gives me valuable feedback and insight in other areas as well, but as a woman she has the unique ability to reflect back to me how other women are responding to my ministry and leadership. I have several younger men in the third category, men in whom I am investing time.
What does one do in a "mentor meeting"? That depends on the goals for the relationship, which level the relationship is on and what the agreed-upon agenda is. Some go through Scripture or another book together, Many pray together. Some meetings call for gentle confrontation. Sometimes a crisis or pressing problem has prompted the meeting. The beauty of a one-on-one meeting is that it is very flexible--you can do whatever is needed. The thing to remember is that "The value of mentoring derives from the value of relationships" (Hendricks).
As I move into the second half of my ministry life, I am deeply concerned that I remain fresh, on the cutting edge, open to new ideas and others' views. I have become convinced that honest, transparent relationships with a few good people who are strong enough to challenge me to the core, are a significant key to continued growth.
Paul says that we should "speak the truth in love" in order that we may help one another grow to maturity (Ephesians 4:15). A mentoring relationship is an ideal setting to begin practising this important concept. Having strong, honest, trusted people who have the right and the courage to "speak the truth in love" is a key ingredient in the life of a leader.
For further reading:
Hendricks & Hendricks, As Iron Sharpens Iron, Chicago: Moddy Press, 1995.
Kinlaw, Coaching for Commitment, San Diego, Calif: University Associates, 1989
Dave Harder is an associate pastor at Central Heights MB Church in Abbotsford, B.C.
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