Convention Top Ten
Top 10 Reasons Why Not To Go On YMI
You might:
1. have to eviscerate a pig head in Panama.
2. get an infection on your right leg, needing to get the belly of a giant toad rubbed on the infected area, lubricated by the saliva of your host mother.
3. learn another language.
4. grow to enjoy the succulent taste of caterpillars.
5. be ruined for the ordinary.
6. have your vision fof the Bride of Christ challenged.
7. see that God is alive and well, wanting to use ordinary people like you.
8. take seriously your obligation to minister to the poor.
9. learn more about God's call to community as you experience team life.
10. not want to just commit to a summer experience, but find that your are equipped to also serve your local church.
Top 10 Convention Delegate Calorie Burners (Calories burned per hour)
10. Opening a can of worms 50
9. Pulling out all the stops 75
8. Bending over backwards 100
7. Beating around the bush 150
6. Jumping to conclusions 175
5. Climbing the walls 200
4. Jumping on the bandwagon 225
3. Eating crow 300
2. Running around in circles 500
1. Making mountains out of mole hills 1000
Top 10 Dumbest Tourist Questions
At Grand Canyon:
10. So, where are the faces of the Presidents?
9. Is the mule train air conditioned?
At Everglades:
8. Are the aligators real?
7. What time does the two o'clock bus leave?
At Mesa Verde National Park:
6. Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
5. Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
At Carlsbad Caverns:
4. How much of the cave is underground?
3. What's in the unexplored part of the cave?
On a cruise ship:
2. What happens to the ice sculptures after they melt?
1. Does the crew stay on board?
Top 10 Sunday School Insights
10. Noahs wife was called Joan of Ark.
9. God asked Abraham to sacrifice Lot on Mount Montezuma.
8. Jacob, son of Isaac, stole his brother's birthmark.
7. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.
6. I know God loves everybody; but He never met my sister.
5. I would like to go to heaven some day because I know my big brother won't be there.
4. Christians can have only one wife [spouse?]; this is called monotony.
3. Another name for marriage is holy acrimony.
2. Leaven is what comes after ten.
1. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
TOP 10 REASONS TO COME TO CONVENTION '99 IN KANSAS
10. Delegates will make straight paths to a "twister" world
9. A daily bus tour to Hillsboro will be a key tourist option.
8. Video lottery terminals will be installed in the church halls to help provide conference funding.
7. Wichita has only one terminal at the airport.
6. David Letterman may actually make it to the YMI presentation.
5. An offering will be taken at the end of a line dance.
4. Lynn Jost will be on hand for an author signing of the new hardcover souvenir edition of the Confession of Faith.
3. Come and see what Henry Schmidt will lose.
2. The food services will be provided by the Elmer Martens "Hard Rock Cafe" chain.
1. Moderator Ed Boschman will quote Isaiah from memory.
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