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I cast my eyes around the sanctuary at the other worshippers during our regular Saturday night service. "Does anyone else struggle with their sense of purpose and ministry?" I wondered. The music had moved me and prepared me for the message, and the pastor's words seemed particularly encouraging and challenging that night.
As we drove home in the darkness, I kept thinking, "How can I be used by God?" The only thing I could think of was to volunteer for a job in the church, but immediately in my mind's eye I saw our calendar in the kitchen. Already it was crowded with worthwhile activities. Any more commitments would just mean another night the kids would be saying goodnight to the babysitter instead of us. I shook my head. I didn't want that. Early on, we had decided not to sacrifice our family life to church involvement while our children were small, and I knew this was the right decision for us. Still, I wondered how God could use me in my everyday, ordinary life.
When we got home, the pandemonium of getting three tired little girls ready for bed drove all other thoughts from my minduntil I was bending over six-year-old Stephanie to tuck her in.
"Mommy, what's a person's spirit?" she asked.
Gulp. I sat down on the bed, took a deep breath and answered the best I could.
But there was more: "Where's heaven?" and "Where's hell?" and "What happens to a person's body when the spirit goes away?"
Deeper and deeper we delved into a whispered discussion of life, death, the wonder of God's love and what the word "Christian" means.
"I'm a Christian," she smiled shyly.
"God is so happy to hear that," I whispered back. "Would you like to pray and tell Him about it?" And there in the dark I listened to a little child express her desire to have God in her life.
After I left the bedroom, I stood for a moment in the light of the hallway, savouring the impact of what I'd just witnessed. This moment had opened my eyes. God wasn't calling me to more programs or activities or volunteer work. He wasn't calling me to do what so many were already doing. There would be plenty of time in the future for me to participate more fully. For now, He was calling me to make a difference where I and I alone can--right here with my family.
Roxanne Willems Snopek is a member of Northview Community Church in Abbotsford, B.C.
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