Editorial: Grandparenting

Susan Brandt

According to Glenn Arnold in Award Winning Articles, editorials are written to explain, persuade, state positions, interpret, stimulate people to act, evaluate, inform and, occasionally, change a mood or entertain. With that in mind, how does one write an editorial on grandparenting? Grandparenting is one of those warm fuzzies we all enjoy. The proverbial grandparent is supposed to have all the time in the world for the grandchild; grandmother teaches one grandchild to cook and bake while grandfather teaches the other to build a birdhouse in the workshop. However, the realities today are quite different. Yes, the warm fuzzies still happen, and yes, many grandparents do teach their grandchildren skills. Yet, because of the move off the farm and into the city, the time available for these activities is much more limited. Also, because the extended family no longer necessarily lives in the same community, many grandparents see their grandchildren only during vacation times. This changes the relationship a great deal.

Grandparenting is a skill, an art, a ministry. It's also a challenge and a privilege. A lady told me many years ago that when her mother died, the responsibility to pray for the children and grandchildren was passed down to the next generation. This is also how we felt when our last parent passed away five years ago--the responsibility of praying was now lodged with our generation. It's an awesome responsibility, and one which no grandparent should take lightly. Many of the obituaries we receive at the MB Herald mention that the grandparent prayed by name every day for each of the children and grandchildren.

We have been grandparents for a little over three years. Two years ago, our daughter, our son-in-law and one granddaughter moved into our basement for economic reasons. A grandson joined us in July. Our two families maintain separate households, except for meals, which are shared. This gives us the special opportunity to see our grandchildren grow up. It also gives us the chance to support our children in their parenting roles. A recent note from my daughter put it this way: "Thank you for always being there for me. I really appreciate your support of my parenting decisions. I know my choices are not always the ones you made or would make, but you have given me freedom to make my own way and support me in that." This illustrates the sometimes more difficult aspect of grandparenting. Yes, we can give suggestions--in fact, we might even be asked to give advice--but parenting decisions must be made by the parents, not foisted on them by the grandparents.

There is also a downside. Many grandparents delight in "spoiling" their grandchildren, knowing that they have only a short visit in which to do that. We cannot afford to do that (at least not often) because the grandchildren are always there and will come to expect the spoiling.

Grandparents need to take their roles seriously. Even if grandchildren are not in the immediate vicinity, the responsibilities of praying, caring, teaching and advising still can be carried out. Children need significant adults, other than parents, in their lives. The concept of the community helping to raise a child is still valid. Grandparents can often take that role even at a distance. Many grandparents now use email to stay in close touch with their grandchildren. Telephones and tape recorders, besides letters, are other good tools of communication.

In this issue, Selma Hooge writes about specific ways to be a good grandparent. The results of good parenting and grandparenting are seen in Harold Jantz's viewpoint, while the paintings by Ray Dirks of his grandmothers illustrate this issue.

Return to the M.B.Herald Vol. 36, No. 17 Home Page