MCC establishes retreat centre

PATASTULE, NICARAGUA

It was a day Susan Classen has never forgotten. She was caught in the middle of a bloody battle between the Salvadoran Army and FMLN guerrillas. With bullets flying around them, she and an army lieutenant took cover underneath a mud oven. "I saw two soldiers killed that day," she said.

Later that day, she returned to the clinic where she worked as a Mennonite Central Committee volunteer, only to find the place filled with wounded guerrillas.

"That day I had a glimpse at evil and death that I had never seen before," she said. Her emotion was not fear of death, but the realization "that even giving my life would not have made a difference there".

The experience left Classen with a new understanding that the evil of this world was not buried deep beneath the ground, but close to the surface. That was a frightening thought, but at the same time Classen realized that the resurrection of Christ was just as close. "When I look into the abyss of violence and evil, that is where resurrection is," Classen said. "I can't know resurrection or joy unless I am able to face that hole. If I want to experience joy, it is tied up with pain."

It was this experience that led Classen to seek ways to be "living the truth and not wasting energy on what we know does not bring joy".

One way she is attempting this is through her current MCC work, building a spiritual retreat centre in the small desert village of Patastule, Nicaragua. The centre, called "The Garden In The Desert", is a place where people living in stressful situations, both Central and North American, can come and find a space for prayer and reflection.

Unlike many retreat centres, The Garden In The Desert does not sit on the top of a hill or in a secluded part of the country. Instead, it is at the end of a row of mud houses sitting along the banks of a river where village women wash their clothes and bathe. The house, which has two small guest rooms, is without electricity or running water. Hammocks hang on the porch, and mosquito netting covers the beds at night. The community surrounding the centre is poor. It is also home to a small Mennonite congregation.

Since opening, the centre has already served a pastor couple from the Nicaraguan Mennonite Church who sought out time and space to reflect on their work and their marriage. Classen assists guests on ways to use their time, but, for the most part, she remains in the background. She believes the centre will offer different things to different people. For Central Americans, it may be a place of prayer and reflection. For North Americans, it may be a place simply for retreating, getting away.

While the centre offers a needed place for rest and spiritual reflection, Classen admits to feeling some guilt in what she is doing. "I've thought, how dare I have a comfortable place, while maybe my neighbours do not have enough to eat."

Opening a retreat centre may be an unusual assignment for an MCC volunteer, but for Classen it is a continuation of the journey she began in El Salvador. After the war ended, she left El Salvador with feelings of disillusionment. The ideals of equality and justice that should have followed the war had not materialized. Perhaps it was her own expectations that were dashed, or the belief that, despite her work, nothing had really changed. "In El Salvador, I wanted to have an impact," she said. "But I learned I wasn't expected to have an impact. My neighbours didn't expect it, but they loved me anyway."

In Patastule, it is the poor who again are showing Classen the way. "I don't romantize poverty or the poor, but, I think because they don't have options, it keeps them grounded," Classen said. "Day to day, life tells them they are not in control. I have had to deal with learning that I am not in control."

Mark Beach

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