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My husband Bob and I waited nervously in a small, dark-panelled office. Moments later, our sturdy baby boy was placed in my arms. Our hearts were full of excitement and happiness. My arms no longer ached. We were ready to go out into the April sunshine and be a family.
When we married, there was no doubt we wanted a family. We deferred family for two years to get established in our marriage and to give me time to gain experience as a nurse. Then we started trying to conceive. Time went on and there was no pregnancy. We prayed much. I became self-conscious, imagining that people were looking at my abdomen, watching for signs of pregnancy. Often we brought our hearts' desire to the Lord.
Another two years passed, and we made inquiries about adoption. We were both comfortable with the idea. Would we be accepted? We didn't know, but we were certain this was the door for us to knock on. The Children's Aid Society social worker interviewed us several times and did a home inspection. We appreciated the process, learning much as we went along. It was a joyous day when we heard, "You have been approved." In a flurry of activity, the nursery was painted and papered. The bassinet I had slept in as an infant was recovered.
Nine months after our first contact with Children's Aid, I answered the phone and heard the words, "Would you come in tomorrow? We have a baby boy we'd like to tell you about."
Would we! The next day, we took notes as we heard his biographical and medical information. Our son was in my arms one day later, a plump bundle in yellow, peering cautiously at our happy faces. Kevin was eight weeks old. How wonderful that God should give us this great privilege!
"Whose baby is that?" exclaimed an acquaintance when I carried our first child into church the next Sunday.
With great joy I exclaimed, "He's ours!"
The response of some surprised us. They inferred how noble we were to adopt.
"No! no!" We were honoured and privileged to have such a responsibility. Throughout the process, we'd prayed that God would bring the child of His choice into our family. We prayed now that God would enable us to provide a home where our child would learn of Him and commit his life to Him.
We loved being parents, but it was a major adjustment. For Kevin, too, it was a big adjustment. He knew he was with strangers. He cried a lot. At times, it was hard for us all. Eventually we settled into routines, but we knew we didn't want to get so comfortable with one child that we wouldn't want to have another. Our goal had been a family of six children. After Kevin, we thought four would be good! We started adoption proceedings again.
Seventeen months after Kevin's birth, we brought home our precious daughter Karen, a petite babe of ten weeks with spindly legs sticking out from a tiny pink dress. Now, with two children, we thought two was just fine!
What did we learn? Many things:
"We're so glad we adopted you!" we cooed to our infants as we held them, fed them and played with them. The adoption word was a positive one. If later they were taunted by other children, "You're adopted", they could respond with confidence, "Yes, I am!"
Our children's adoption stories were told again and again. Their baby photo albums began with a photo of mommy and daddy getting married, followed by one or two family pictures of us before they arrived. Then there were those precious photos of our first meeting with them and the joyous celebration of their adoption. Each was an important member of our family. For the first few years, we celebrated the day of their arrival with a special dessert and prayer of thanks for our child.
We had some precious bedtime conversations. Once Kevin worried that his biological parent might come and take him away. The matter was settled when I explained he was legally ours and we had a paper from the judge to prove it. Karen became confused after a conversation with a school chum about adoption. Reviewing her story reassured her.
Kevin and Karen were about 11 and 10 when Bob took them to his unlocked filing cabinet. "I want you to see your adoption files." He showed them the notes we had made about their background, and their adoption orders with the official red seals. They were intrigued to learn their birth names. "You may read your file any time," he told them. "It's your own personal information." Their background information was theirs and would be shared only by them if they wished to. When they were infants, we gave out none of their personal information. Those who asked were told that the information was the child's and would not be shared until the child wished to share it.
Many times, I have prayed for the birth mothers, often near the child's birthday. We are so thankful that these women bore our children to full term and gave them up for adoption. As our children grew toward their teens, the newspapers often carried articles by birth parents who sought their adopted children or by children seeking their birth parents. We told Kevin and Karen that until they were 18, we would block contacts from birth parents because we believed that a contact made too early would be confusing to them. At the same time, we told them that if they wished to search for their birth parents, we would do eveything we could to assist them. Neither has shown any interest in the search. We told them that should they ever meet their birth mother to please say from us, "Thank you!"
Six months after adopting Karen, we were delighted to discover that I was pregnant. Seventeen months after Karen's birth, our daughter Kathryn was born. The Lord must have thought that two wasn't enough! We were thrilled, and our house was full. Each of our children is an equal member of the family, and we tolerated no difference made by others.
Our children were entrusted by God to us. We didn't own them. Through the years, we prayed for their salvation and spiritual growth. God has been faithful to us.
Bob passed away in January, 1992. Lois is now married to Michael Brown, pastor of Grace Christian Fellowship in Langley, B.C.
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