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"Many are called, but few are chosen" (Matthew 22:14, KJV).
"Be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:28, KJV).
For those who have wrestled with infertility, these words take on new meaning. Most couples assume, until they learn otherwise, that they will have children when they are ready. God intended that marriage would be the context in which children would come into the world and be trained to live in it.
As a counsellor with a Christian adoption agency, I recently had the thrill of walking alongside a couple as they moved toward their dream of enriching their marriage and home with a child. Unable to have children despite years of trying and much time and effort invested in reproductive technologies, they applied to our agency last year.
Around the same time that they were considering this decision, a young woman became pregnant and began an agonizing journey to consider what would be best for her baby. She thought long and hard about single-parenting, about her love for her child and about all she wanted for the baby's future. Finally, she called us and said she wanted to place the baby in a Christian home.
Not just any Christian home would do, however. She poured over picture books, trying to find a family within our files that most closely matched her ideals for her baby. Finally, she had chosen, and I was given the task of meeting with the couple to tell them that their dream was about to come true.
I cannot think of a more exciting or rewarding time in my professional life than to sit with this young couple and tell them they had been chosen by a young woman to raise her child. The bond that developed between them and the mother (though they never met--which is not the norm for our agency) was incredible. A sense of spiritual connection was evident from early on.
Less than six weeks later, I was privileged to witness the couple's first meeting with their new daughter. They stood in awe and just looked at her. The birth mother had arranged for them to see the infant as soon as possible, as she wanted them to have every opportunity to bond with the baby right away. Tears and hugs and prayers for the mom were all a part of this meeting.
It was amazing to stand, as a counsellor, between the joy experienced by the couple and the grief experienced by the mother. She was sustained in her grief by the assurance of their joy. Their joy was tempered by their sensitivity to her grief. I felt for all of them, sharing tears in both contexts.
Adoption is not an easy thing for anyone involved. I've begun to see it as very bittersweet. It is one of the ways that God in all things "works for the good of those who love Him" (Romans 8:28). I've heard adoptive couples speak of how their struggle with infertility has strengthened their dependence and trust in God. I also have heard birth mothers whose faith and dependence on God seem to be strengthened as well. There is gain and loss on both sides. Ultimately, it is the baby who gains the most--when a mother loves enough to give the baby's care to a couple who are stable, dependable and longing to be the kind of parents God wants them to be.
Wendy Kittlitz works with Christian Adoption Services and is a member of Mill Woods MB Church in Edmonton.
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