Renewed Hope--A Biblical View of Marriage

by John and Alfrieda Krahn

It is not so with a Christian marriage correctly understood. It is not necessary to live on the edge of chaos and destruction. Instead, it is possible for a couple to remain in a loving, committed relationship for life. A man and a woman pledge loyalty to each other under God and are supported by their family and a network of friends, in bad and in good times. Their relationship is understood to be permanent, to last for a lifetime. Difficulties, even impossibilities, are seen as challenges and worked through, no matter what. The loving relationship is maintained on the basis of AA promise is a promise.@

This article, written after 40 years of our own marriage, will give a definition of marriage from the Bible. It must be clear from the outset that many marriages--even many so-called AChristian@ marriages--fall far short of this goal. Yet this is not the only reality. Glimpses of the ideal are present in many marriages.

The first reference to marriage in the Bible comes right near the beginning, in Genesis 2:18, where it is stated that marriage fulfills a basic need: AIt isn't good for the man to live alone.@ It is a fundamental fact that we require an intimate companion in order for us to be fulfilled emotionally and socially. The creation story in Genesis gives us a picture of two original persons, male and female, who were connected with the earth, plants and animals but also with the Creator and with each other. The basic building stones of life together as a family unit were in place, and the couple were encouraged to have children. God describes this as very good.

The first man was pleased with the woman God made for him, a basic ingredient for a happy marriage. He said, AShe is someone like me! She is . . . my own flesh and bones.@ (Genesis 2:23. Quotations in this article are taken from the Contemporary English Version of the Bible.) This first description of marriage in the Bible concludes, AThat's why a man will leave his own father and mother. He marries a woman, and the two of them become like one person@ (Genesis 2:24).

Genesis goes on to tell the story of a remarkable family. Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, with their wives Sarah, Rebecca and Rachel, demonstrated the above principles. Their marriages, though not perfect, were blessed with oneness, companionship and children. This family grew into a nation called Israel, a people that God had promised would be a blessing to all nations (Genesis 12:1-3). This prophecy came true, as it was through this nation that Jesus Christ came into the world. The story of this one special family fills the pages of the Bible for the next 2000 years. Many times, members of this family deviated from God's instructions, yet God kept the door open for them to return, be forgiven and enjoy His blessings once again.

The Old Testament ended with a command to the men of Israel not to be Aunfaithful to the wife you married when you were young@ (Malachi 2:14). God again praises marriage and denounces Aanyone who is cruel enough to divorce his wife@ (Malachi 2:16).

The marriage theme is picked up by Jesus Christ in the New Testament, the second half of the Bible. Jesus reminded people in His day of the original intent of marriage: one man and one woman, bound together by love, enjoying God's favour. Jesus said, ADon't you know that in the beginning the Creator made a man and a woman? That's why a man leaves his father and mother and gets married. He becomes like one person with his wife. Then they are no longer two people but one. And no one should separate a couple that God has joined together@ (Matthew 19:4-6).

Later in the New Testament, Jesus' follower Peter tells husbands to be thoughtful to their wives and honour them, which in turn will prompt the wives to love and respect their husbands.

Also in the New Testament, Paul, another of Jesus' followers, builds on what Genesis and Jesus say about marriage. He makes marriage a metaphor for understanding how Jesus, like a husband, loves His wife, the people who have committed themselves to Him. Paul says, AA husband should love his wife as much as Christ loved the church and gave His life for it@ (Ephesians 5:25).

Finally, John, another of Jesus' followers, speaks of marriage in Revelation, the last section of the Bible. He sees the end of the world as a marriage celebration--the Amarriage@ of Jesus to those who love Him, the celebration of a perfect, loving relationship that will last forever. It is a Amarriage@ truly made in heaven--but the implication is that human marriages on earth can come be modelled after this heavenly ideal.

We ask ourselves again: What kind of marriage do we want, for ourselves and for our children? What can maintain faithfulness in marriage--romantic love or divine love? What will keep the foundation strong when everything else is shaking?

Since the 17th century, poets and philosophers have presented a different view of marriage. The philosopher John Locke said that the individual, not the family, is the basic structure of society. The Romantic poets extolled pleasure and self-realization, but this opened the door for a meaningless hedonism--seeking pleasure without restraint or accountability. The result has been selfishness, emotional pain, confusion, sexually transmitted disease and AIDS.

In our present situation, marriage needs to be taught and modelled as the place where true pleasure, satisfaction and health are found. Here children and adults can be cared for. This is more than just a human arrangment; it is a divine arrangement. It was established in the beginning, affirmed by Jesus and still stands as the most viable option. It is not only ordered but also made possible by God's own love and faithfulness.

A renewal of people and relationships, including marriage, is made possible by the power that Jesus Christ offers us to be reconciled to God but also to each other. Committing our lives to Jesus will bring a renewal, a rebirth of us as people. This can make us into a renewed spouse, a renewed child, a renewed parent, even a renewed family. With God's help, a fragmented, broken person or a broken marriage can be transformed and become functional again.

This good news, if understood and accepted, will release a multitude of renewed persons and families into the world. Bridegrooms and brides will walk with new joy, and children will play and laugh in our streets.

John and Elfrieda Krahn live on North Pender Island in British Columbia. This article was adapted by Jim Coggins from a much longer article.

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