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Or so it might seem.
Nevertheless, a recent survey found something surprising: Sexual satisfaction is strongly linked to marriage and traditional sexual ethics. That is, the people most apt to report that they are very satisfied with their current sex life are marrieds who "strongly" believe sex outside marriage is wrong.
The data, from a random telephone sample of 1,100 people in the US, contribute to a growing body of research linking sexual satisfaction to harmony, faithfulness and permanence in marriage.
The poll, commissioned by the Family Research Council, found that 72% of all married "traditionalists" (those who "strongly" believe that sex outside marriage is wrong) report high sexual satisfaction. This is roughly 31 percentage points higher than the level registered by unmarried "nontraditionalists" (those who have no or only some objection to sex outside marriage) and 13 points higher than that registered by married nontraditionalists.
These findings are consistent with the results of a major survey commissioned by Redbook magazine during the mid-1970s. That survey, which included responses from approximately 100,000 women, found that women who were sexually active at age 15 were more likely to express dissatisfaction with their current sex lives than those who had refrained from early sexual involvement. It also found that strictly monogamous women (women who had sex with only one man) experienced orgasm during sex more than twice as often as women who had several sex partners. It also found that highly religious women were less likely to engage in sex before marriage and more likely to describe their sex lives as "good" or "very good" than moderately or nonreligious women.
Some might argue that the survey results merely demonstrate that those who stay married are "easier to please", that their limited sexual partners and rigid sexual boundaries make it difficult for them to aspire to anything better. This sounds a bit like criticizing a contented rich man for not being greedy.
Interestingly, this greater enjoyment of sex does not appear to be connected to any special lovemaking technique. Instead, researchers found that satisfaction often depends on the relationship in which lovemaking takes place. "Women are more likely to be orgasmic when they feel secure, loved and trusting that their man is around to stay," says David Larson, a researcher with the US National Institutes of Health. Sexual satisfaction is often a byproduct of marriage satisfaction.
A 1982 study of married couples and couples who were living together by two university psychologists shows that sexual satisfaction is also positively affected by "the absence of sexual anxiety". Faithful married couples enjoy greater sexual freedom because they are free from the guilt associated with violating sexual standards--a factor found to hinder sexual satisfaction among unmarried college students. Faithful married couples are also largely free from many of the fears often associated with sex outside marriage, including fear of AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases, fear of rejection, fear of pregnancy, fear of comparison to other partners, fear of exposure, fear of failure, fear of embarrassment and fear of losing one's partner to another lover.
Sex is a very beautiful and wonderful thing at the right time and under the right circumstances. It is no small thing that the same God who put "You shall not commit adultery" (Exodus 20:14, the Bible) into His Ten Commandments also instructs men to "Rejoice in the wife of your youth. . . . May her breasts satisfy you always" (Proverbs 5:18-19, the Bible).
Like a beautifully wrapped package under a Christmas tree, the gift of sex is mysterious and enticing. It is a celebration, an expression of the love we share with another special person. However difficult it may be to resist the temptation to open that package prematurely, the research suggests that there are tremendous rewards for patience and self-control. Apparently good sex comes to those who wait. If we are really as interested in sexual gratification as we say we are, maybe it's time to reconnect sex with marriage.
William Mattox is vice-president for policy at the Family Research Council. Article distributed by Evangelical Press News Service.
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