What are your kids watching?

Suzanne Woods Fisher

Something didn't feel right. We were set to sign the lease on a new, much larger apartment. Raising four kids in a 44-storey highrise in Hong Kong is not for the squeamish, and I looked forward to the additional space. But something kept nettling me.

Later that day, I attended a 7th-grade parents' coffee. One mother complained that her 12-year-old son was accessing pornography sites on the Internet. When asked where the computer was in the house, she replied, "We each have our own computer in our bedrooms."

A light went on in my mind. That's what was bothering me about this new apartment. The area for the TV and computer would be downstairs, far from the goings-on of family life.

That evening, my husband and I decided to stay in our apartment. The computer is in my bedroom, which creates friction. The TV is in our only living area, which creates more friction. But it's a good friction.

I had been looking at the issue all wrong. The friction that comes from living in small quarters isn't because we're parenting ineffectively. It comes because Steve and I have chosen the hardest possible road regarding entertainment for our kids. The television is in the living room because we want to know what's being watched. The computer is in our bedroom to avoid problems like those the mother of the 7th-grader experienced.

It would be easier to not have TV or computers. We've considered that option seriously, especially no TV. I grow weary of being the family monitor-cop, listening to children's objections over viewing time or choices, and enforcing family viewing rules.

It would be easier to have those glowing screens in a room to themselves--but not better. Carolyn, a mother of four, feels she made a mistake with her eldest son. Although Carolyn never felt TV was over-used in their home, they had a small TV near Matthew's bedroom. During high school, Matthew would sneak out to watch TV rather than study. Because he received good grades, Carolyn never realized he had problems with self-discipline and study habits. Then Matthew went to college. He had to learn the hard way how to discipline himself, and he didn't graduate from college until age 25.

We chose that delicate balance of living in the world but not being of it, in the hope and prayer that our children will grow in discernment and wisdom and learn to make appropriate choices for themselves. It is the hardest road because it takes time, energy and vigilance.

Ignoring what our children watch and banning TVs and computers from the house are both short-term solutions. Neither prepares our kids for adulthood in the next century, in which they will need both technological skills and discernment. "My 18-year-old hates computers," says one father, "yet when it came time for him to type his applications to postsecondary school, he had to ask for help with the typing. I worry he's going to be shut out of careers."

We try to peacefully coexist with the TV and Internet because they can be helpful. Because of technology, I am able to write for North American magazines from Hong Kong without missing a deadline. I can access valuable information around the world without leaving my bedroom. TV, movies and video games can be informative, educational and entertaining.

However, there is also a dark side to technology. As Christians, we shouldn't be surprised at the presence of the Enemy. Last week, while doing Internet research for an article, I used the words "American girls"--a search that offered me connections to dozens of pornographic Web sites.

Even if you don't think your child is looking for trouble, warns en forget to watch what we've taped) and fosters discernment. I can also monitor a show first if I'm concerned about content, and I can fast forward through the commercials.

4. Watch TV with your children. Not only does this keep TV a family activity, but it can create a forum for values instruction. Ask questions that ignite meaningful discussion: What do you think about that? Why do you suppose they solved the problem in that way? How else could they have ended the show? How are Christians represented?

As we wrestle with these issues, we hope our kids discover how important God's guidance is--and that it is available for the needs of every generation.

This article first appeared in the September/October, 1998 issue of Christian Parenting Today.

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