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FOR THE LOVE OF MARRIAGE
John M. Drescher. Intercourse, PA: Good Books, 1989. 241 pages, $9.95.
John Drescher views the marriage relationship as a work in progress. A happy marriage results only from effort and commitment on the part of both partners. His book provides a resource that can be an excellent communication tool for couples. The chapters are short and readable, followed by short discussion questions which can be used by couples or groups. I found the book enjoyable and helpful to read.
However, certain cautions are necessary. The book is written from a perspective of working together toward a mutually fulfilling marriage. I would hesitate recommending the book for a relationship in which one partner seeks to maintain power and control. Since one partner can sabotage the effort toward mutuality, he also doesn't differentiate between "worse" traits (he or she is a morning person or a night owl) and chosen behaviours that are disrespectful and abusive.
Several sections of the book deserve to be highlighted. The chapter, "Love, Respect, and Submission" is superbly written and I wish it had been at the beginning of the book. It sets the stage for his approach to a relationship that is one of being "in submission to one another out of reverence for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21). The chapter offers a description of the four ways that love behaves based on this Scripture.
"Continue the Courtship" is another section that encourages couples to bring more sentiment into marriage. Drescher incorporates ideas from therapist Jerome Folkman: "Have the wedding and then forget it. Just act like you are not married at all. Keep right on being lovers" (61).
Although I appreciate Drescher's good suggestions about communication, I felt this section could be stronger. Much of the emphasis is on speaking to each other about important issues. He doesn't focus as equally on listening to one's partner with care and creating a safe, non-judgemental environment in which the other person can share.
I found For the Love of Marriage to be a well-written book which could be a valuable gift for an engaged couple as they prepare for a life together.
HAIDE A. GIESBRECHT IS A PROFESSIONAL COUNSELLOR AT PARAGON COUNSELLING GROUP IN ABBOTSFORD, B.C.
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