Men in trauma

Norman Fehr

Glancing through some magazines recently, I was overwhelmed by the trauma women are going through. I paused to ask myself: Where in all this are the men? Do men go through the same trauma when they can't have a family, go through a divorce or their spouse or daughter gets an abortion?

We had a son when I was 50 years of age, and I hoped to live to see the day when he would finish high school. I have lived to see his graduation; his wedding; the birth of our first grandchild; and our son being the first of our children to go into full-time mission work. All the trauma involved with having a son at a late age has already been well worth it (trauma because I felt we could not financially afford another child).

Some men go through awful trauma, but their stories are seldom put down on paper. (Most of them do not want their stories written down.)

When my younger brother went through a divorce, all of the family suffered, but the real pain fell on the husband, the wife and their preschool baby boy. I saw this more with my brother because his wife severed herself from our side of the family. My brother had headaches and other ailments that the doctors did not know what to do with. After a few years, when the estate was divided and he started to farm again, his health came back. Yet, in all of the trusting of the Lord and praying, the trauma has left its mark on him.

A friend of ours has also gone through divorce. He now is going through the trauma of "When can I see and be with my children?" She has custody of the children and can demand alimony. His face shows the strain.

Please don't forget men in trauma. Someone has said, "Divorce is like a construction remoulding job. The joints are always visible." It is marvellous that our God is a God of forgiveness and a God of new beginnings, but if there is a possibility, please do not bring this trauma upon yourself.

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